randomnesss(:

I'm Kaira, I'm 25 years old and I'm getting my life together.

So I’ve had five cats at my apartment since last Tuesday, watching them for someone for awhile, and I just had a conversation with Pip and Violet with a German accent and made up a song about Elsa. I’m officially insane living alone in Palm Bay with five cats.

I don’t think I want to fall in love again

The whole process and my insecurities… it alll hurts too much. Too many fucked up relationships, or too many fucked up guys, or maybe it’s just me? I can’t really tell anymore, but I don’t like getting close, every time I feel like I am, my immediate feeling is to back away, protect myself from getting torn to fucking pieces again. I told my last boyfriend that he is my last attempt at love, he made me trust him, he told me to my face he was in love with me, then he destroyed me like I was nothing to him because I was. I can’t hang on to the past, I can’t let mistakes control my future, but they are and I don’t know how to let it all go. I get scared when I like someone and I just want to run away because I don’t want to be in pain anymore, I want to be happy and I’m afraid that will never happen.

It’s safe to say

my love for Evan Peters went from adoring his beautiful face years ago when he was on The Days to obsessing over him on American Horror Story. Marry me.

2:17am

I hate being alone and awake at this hour. I hate my brain. I always end up thinking about things, wishing I wasn’t sitting here alone and wondering if it will ever change. I wonder if anyone will ever love me again and I get terrified that it will never happen, that I’ve already had my time and I blew it, but I can’t live my life dwelling on the past. I need some sort of hope… I need something and I hope I get it soon. I’m 24 and I know I’m still young, but I don’t want to wait til I’m 30 to find the right guy and settle down, that’s not the life I want. I’ve already got the crazy shit out of my system, I don’t need to wait anymore. I’m not saying I’m ready to have children and be a mom and a wife, I’m saying that I’m ready for a real relationship, I’m ready for real love and everything it has to offer, I’m ready to give someone forever and ever. I probably make no sense, but my thoughts make no sense. I should juss try to sleep. Bleh.

That awkward moment when someone you only knew for a day tells you they are legit falling in love with you… O.o

Whitechapel is forever stuck in my head.

I will never even care.

And it’s all in how you mix the two
And it starts just where the light exists
It’s a feeling that you cannot miss
And it burns a hole
Through everyone that feels it

Well you’re never gonna find it
If you’re looking for it
Won’t come your way yeah
Well you’ll never find it
If you’re looking for it

Should’ve done something
But I’ve done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

And you never would have thought in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It’s a feeling that you cannot miss
It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Well you’re never gonna find it
If you’re looking for it
Won’t come your way yeah
Well you’ll never find it
If you’re looking for it

Should’ve done something
But I’ve done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste my time with you

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying “Lord I just don’t care”
But you’ve got the love I need
To see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone you are my daily meal
When friends are gone I know my saviour’s love is real
Your love is real

You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love
You got the love

Time after time I think “Oh Lord what’s the use?”
Time after time I think it’s just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you loose
But you got the love I need to see me through

You got the love

This song always makes me cry.

And I’d give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be

Finish me off, follow the plan
break all the bonds, sever the ties
and now your mission is complete, find and destroy me.
torturing me, with words from your lips
filleting my skin, pulling my teeth
please forgive me for not being good enough.

Drown your sorrows in my pain
and it’s something you can’t explain.
when I’m choking on words you’ll never say
and you’ll never feel the same

Bound and gagged, I cannot move or speakĀ 
these things I want to say, I can’t explain them anyway
so if I had it all again, if I could start from the first words I ever said
I would do it all the same.

Drown your sorrows in my pain
and it’s something you can’t explain.
when I’m choking on words you’ll never say
and you’ll never feel the same

Your joy is my pain
my fingers are yours to cut off
and my bones are yours to shatter in pieces.
my teeth are yours to pull out and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart.

I can’t trust anyone I meet.
From now on, my chest feels more like
a fist wrapped in blood

Stuck in my head. Listened to it on repeat, sang loud and had it turned up all the way home.

I am thinking it’s a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they’re perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you’re away when I am missing you to death